A Word for the Hurting

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As of this moment, I’m emotionally stable, but I know I’ll have my hard times. A friend reminded me that when the emotional times come, don’t assume that means your faith is weak. It just means you are hurting.

Jesus is the supreme example of that. He certainly knew how much his Father loved him, and he knew before he ever came to earth how much he would suffer, and yet, as a human, he experienced emotional agony.

As Jesus went to pray in the garden of Gethsemane, knowing he would soon be crucified, he told his friends, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death.” And he prayed, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (Matthew 26:38-39)

And on the cross, as he bore the sins of the world on his shoulders, he cried out, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Mt. 27:46) “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” (Luke 23:46)

Jesus was perfect, yet in his human form, he suffered just as we do, both physically and emotionally. He understands, better than anyone, what we’re going through. I’m so thankful for that!

Practiced Spontaneous Unity

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Normally, we don’t think of practice and spontaneity as going together, but in the world of parenting, they do. We need to learn how to handle spontaneous decisions.

Let me share two examples. (1) Imagine that a couple is in a room with their young children and some other adults. One of their children asks the father if she may have some gum. He says no (for good reasons) and the wife supports him. Then the father wonders if they should let their daughter have the gum, but the wife says to stick with the decision, she distracts their daughter, and all’s well. This is an example of great teamwork because the wife followed the husband’s lead and then helped him to stick with the decision. (Later, they could privately discuss when or when not to allow gum in the future, or how to handle similar situations.)

(2) Again, imagine a couple with their young children and other adults in the room. The daughter is looking at a catalog of toys and pointing out everything she wants. The father is concerned about this and quietly suggests to his wife that they take the catalog away. The wife says to let their daughter keep it (since she’s enjoying looking at it with a guest) and the husband says no more. It is good that they didn’t make an issue of it in front of the children or their guests. (But privately, it would be good if they discussed their feelings and came up with a solution they were both at peace about.)

When my husband and I were raising children we faced many situations like the examples above. One of us might make a spontaneous decision and then have second thoughts about it. And I regret to say that there were many times when I undermined my husband’s authority by disagreeing with him in front of the children. In time, with lots of practice, we learned to remain united in front of the children and then privately discuss how to handle the situation in the future.

Exercising Faith in Communication

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I have found that when I’m feeling tempted to give unsolicited advice, ask questions that are none of my business, or offer accountability to someone who hasn’t asked for it, I’m usually lacking faith. I want to be helpful, but I probably won’t be, and I even run the risk of offending them. At such times, I need to ask myself: do I truly believe in the power of prayer? Do I trust God to guide the person I’m praying for? Do I trust that the Lord can even bring good out of their mistakes, just as He does for me?

When in doubt about whether or not to speak, silence is best. If, however, after an extended period of time and prayer, I feel impressed to voice my concerns, then I should ask the Lord to guide me in how, and when, I should do so, and wait for clear direction. Whether I remain silent or speak up, I need to make sure I’m doing God’s will, not mine.

Dealing With Disappointments

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One thing I have been reminded of daily through this Covid pandemic is the importance of surrendering my plans and seeking the Lord’s guidance in all my decisions! The Bible tells us to take one day at a time in an attitude of total surrender to the Lord. I have certainly been getting lots of practice in that!

In re-reading my 1996 journals, I saw that one of my biggest mistakes as a wife and parent was that I often allowed my children to manipulate me because I didn’t want them to be disappointed. Sometimes, I even unintentionally undermined my husband’s authority by trying to persuade him to go along with what the children wanted. The Lord reminded me that disappointment is part of life and we needed to teach our children how to deal with it.

Our heavenly Father’s top priority (once we’re His children through faith in Jesus Christ) is to develop Christ-like character in us. Our happiness is secondary. I’m so thankful He’s wise enough to know when to say “No” to me, and that He can’t be manipulated!

So, the best way I’ve found to deal with disappointments is to choose to believe that God’s ultimately in control and knows what’s best in the long run for me and for those I love. Seek Him, trust Him, and follow Him, expecting that, eventually, good will come out of my disappointments.

My Gentle Leader

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On June 25th, Tom and I will have been married 48 years. We have both grown in the area of communicating with respect and sensitivity. I want to share a recent example of my husband being a good listener and leader.

I had a desire on my heart that I wanted to share with him. I was genuinely seeking his opinion and was prepared to follow his lead in the matter. I presented my thoughts and he did the following beautifully:

1) He listened without interrupting as I shared my ideas.

2) He investigated the idea with me, demonstrating that he was open to considering it.

3) He came up with other scenarios of how it might be handled and we discussed those.

4) He asked good questions and brought up good points.

By the end of the discussion, I decided to abandon the idea, at least for now. It became clear to me that this was not the right timing and that the idea may not be the Lord’s will at all.

I thanked my husband for being such a good listener and leader. I’m also thankful for the growth that has taken place in both of us as we have come to see how much we need each other and have learned how to work together as a team. These are truly our “golden years.”

The Finch (God’s Faithfulness)

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Yesterday, when my husband took the mail out, a finch flew into our house. Tom lost sight of it, so we began the search throughout the house. Finally, Tom spotted the bird frantically trying to fly through the skylight in our vaulted ceiling. We opened the back door, but had to figure out how to get the bird to come down. I suggested we tape our small fish net to a long pole. We did that, and Tom attempted to catch the bird. I was praying, being concerned that we might accidentally crush its delicate legs or a wing. After a few attempts, Tom asked if I wanted to try. I decided to, and the bird finally went into the net. As I pulled it down, the finch flew out of the net and through the open door. I was so thankful God led it to safety!

I’ve heard the comparison before, and you probably have, too, how we’re often like the frightened bird, struggling against God’s attempts to free us. The finch was another reminder of God’s tender care, and how He works through our prayers.

Related Scriptures:

Matthew 18: 12-14 (lost sheep; God cares)

Matthew 6:25-34 (don’t worry; God provides)

Luke 4:18-21 (don’t resist; God desires to set us free)

The Invisible Enemy

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As the Coronavirus lingers and the weather gets warmer, people are, understandably, getting increasingly restless. My heart goes out to people at every level: families in small apartments or with young children, all those serving on the front lines, those who can’t visit their loved ones in the hospital, the unemployed, and our government leaders as they wrestle with trying to protect lives without killing the economy or facing a revolt.

I was thinking, today, that it’s especially difficult fighting an invisible enemy. If people were being bombed, as in World War II, I don’t think many would protest orders to stay inside and even keep the lights off. The enemy would be very visible.

This reminded me of another invisible battle that is easy to overlook. The Bible, speaking of the devil and his demons, reminds us that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12)

To fight such a battle, we need Godly wisdom. James 3:17-18 says that “wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”

I confess that, without God’s help, I’m selfish. I just want my problems (and troublemakers) to go away and leave me alone. But God wants us to lay aside our selfish desires and work at getting along with others.

This pandemic is getting on everyone’s nerves. But we can ease the tension if we’ll do our best to extend grace to others, even when we don’t agree with them. Instead of being critical, let’s strive to be encouraging, cooperative, and helpful. I have been seeing many wonderful acts of kindness and positive attitude changes in the midst of this crisis. That is good. Let’s keep in mind that the real enemy is invisible and not let our guard down. May we continually strive for harmony and peace.

Blessed are the peacemakers. (Matthew 5:9)

 

Peace Through Surrender

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Last September, Tom and I booked a trip for this May to the beautiful islands of Bora Bora and Moorea in French Polynesia. Yesterday, April 2nd, we made the decision to cancel that trip, due to the coronavirus pandemic. When my husband canceled our reservations, we learned that we may not get a refund on our hotels. At first, we tried to problem solve, looking for ways we might get our money back. But later, we decided to pray as Jesus did in the garden of Gethsemane: present our desires and then surrender to God’s will. So we prayed:

Father, if You are willing to restore the money to us for the May trip, we ask for that, but if you know that the Islanders need the money more than we do, then bless them with it and help us just to be thankful for each day of health that you grant to us and our loved ones, which is a greater miracle. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Once the responsibility had been lifted from our shoulders and we were ready to accept God’s will, we were at peace.

During this time in history, we, like everyone, will face many disappointments and difficult decisions. I’m so thankful for the peace God gives to those who know Him when we trust in His loving wisdom and surrender to His will.

Good Out of Bad

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As we weather this corona virus pandemic, I have already seen some good things coming out of it. Neighbors are finding creative ways to encourage others from a distance or provide assistance. Some are literally putting their lives on the line through their jobs. And some of us are also seeking Biblical guidance when faced with difficult decisions. (I will share two personal examples of that shortly.)

In all of this, it is crucial that we don’t judge others in the decisions that they make. We don’t understand their circumstances nor their motives. Only God does. Our role is to extend mercy, grace, hope and help as we feel led. Each of us must follow our own conscience. If we can learn to extend mercy rather than condemnation, good will have come out of this.

I will share some Scriptures that have helped me in my decision making, and share some of the decisions I’ve been wrestling with. But first, let’s look at what we know about the corona virus. We’ve been told by the experts that the virus can live for up to 14 days on metal and plastic surfaces. That means, whether we shop online or at the grocery store, chances are high (apart from divine intervention) that we’ve brought the virus into our homes. We’re being encouraged to isolate as much as possible and sanitize as much as possible in order to slow down the spread of the virus to where hospitals can adequately cope with it, and allow researchers time to create a vaccine.

Now, let’s look at some Scriptures that apply to those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ.

1) We are told not to be anxious but to trust God. (See Philippians 4:4-7). Supernatural peace comes with trusting God. The Lord is bigger than anything we’ll face in this life-time. I must seek His will and then do what I think He wants me to do.

2) We’re told to obey our authorities (as long as they don’t contradict God’s commands). (See 1 Peter 2 :13-14; Romans 13:1-5; Acts 5:29). After seeking God’s will in prayer and surrendering my anxious thoughts to Him, I need to consider what my government leaders have to say. For example: If they tell me the parks and beaches are closed, I stay out of parks and beaches. If I’m sick, I will do my best to self-isolate until I’m healthy.

3) Wives are told to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. (See Colossians 3:18 & Ephesians 5:22). As long as my husband is not breaking the Lord’s commands, I should respectfully follow his lead. I may share all my thoughts and feelings with him, but if I’m not sure what to do, or if we can’t come to an agreement, then I should follow his lead, trusting God.

So, what does this look like in my life? Here are a few situations. My 71 year old husband is in remission from cancer, but he still goes for monthly immunotherapy treatments. As a result, he has a compromised immune system.

Decision #1: We have a 39 year old disabled son named Shon who lives two blocks away from us. He has between eight and nine helpers who provide 24 hour care (they do not live with him). He also has three roommates (renters). It isn’t hard to see the virus risk factor in that household. Question: Should my husband and I go there?

When one of the roommates couldn’t fix a light bulb that had broken off in its socket, I left a desk lamp on the table for him to borrow. But my husband, Tom, decided to go over and fix the problem. A few days later, Tom decided to go over and clean our son’s very dirty bedroom floor.

Up to this point, I was trying to find creative ways to encourage our son from afar. I started a text message grouping with our children and us to share jokes, I encouraged Shon to share music with us via internet, and we had phone calls periodically. But I knew Shon was really missing his chiropractic and massage appointments, which offer him physical relief, as well as going to movies, church, etc. (We encouraged him to be respectful of his helpers’ feelings re: where he goes.) I was trying to be protective of my husband, but my heart also ached for my son. Once Tom decided to go over, I decided to follow his lead. I’ll do my best to give our son a massage when I’m there (although my 70 year old hands aren’t the strongest) and teach his helpers to play some simple board and card games that they can do with our son. We won’t go there regularly, but compassion compels us to go there sometimes. We will trust God and accept whatever happens.

Decision #2: I have been praying about whether to go to my dermatologist (to have a growth removed), to my gynecologist (for my routine care), and to my eye exam. I decided that if their offices are open, and if I’m healthy, I will go. (I will also go prepared to share the gospel, as led.) All of those appointments are in April and my husband is leaving those decisions up to me. As of this writing, I don’t know how those will play out. I will continue to pray for guidance right up to the date of each appointment and trust God to be clear. (See James 1:5-8).

You might handle these situations differently, and I respect that. I will leave all judging in Jesus’ hands. He alone is perfect and all-knowing. These are challenging times and we’re going to be facing many difficult situations. May we pray for, and encourage, one another while doing our best, and keep trusting God in the things we have little or no control over.

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

The Frog Story as told by Rick Warren

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I thought the following was worth sharing (although I didn’t write it):

Rick Warren: As a child, I remember reading a story that went something like this:

A group of 12 frogs were traveling together through a forest when two of them fell into a very deep, dark pit. The other 10 frogs gathered around the pit. When they realized how deep it was, they were certain this was the end of their two friends.

The two frogs who’d fallen into the pit started jumping with all their might to get out. But from the perspective of safety, the other 10 frogs began to urge the trapped frogs to stop trying and just accept their fate. They kept yelling, “You’re in too deep! There’s no way you’ll get out of this! It’s impossible! Save your strength and die peacefully!”

But the two frogs at the bottom ignored the comments and kept trying to jump out. Still, the safe frogs kept yelling, “It’s no use! It’s hopeless! Save your energy!” Finally, one of the frogs in the pit got so discouraged by all the negative news, that he gave up and died.

But the other frog kept jumping harder and harder. And with every jump, he seemed to get stronger and stronger! It was an amazing effort to watch. Finally, he made it out to safety!

The other frogs looked at him in astonishment and asked, “Why did you keep trying so hard when we were all urging you to give up?”

Interpreting what they said from their gestures, the frog explained, “Well, actually I’m deaf–so I couldn’t HEAR a word you were saying. But I could SEE you were all shouting vigorously at me. I assumed it meant you believed I could make it and were encouraging me to not give up. So I was determined to keep trying as long as you believed in me!”

Rick then asked these questions: During this virus crisis, are your words helping or harming? Are you spreading hope or fear? Are your words encouraging or discouraging? Your words have a powerful effect on those around you, especially your family.

From Jorja: May we be a beacon of hope in the darkness!