I have been guilty of two opposite mistakes in my marriage.
- I didn’t share my feelings honestly with my husband and just let him have his way even when I disagreed, or
- I tried to persuade him to my point of view.
Both are wrong. As a couple, what we should do is honestly share our feelings with each other and then pray and wait until we are truly united in our decision. If one person is just giving in to the other to make peace, the relationship will suffer.
The Bible says, “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure.”(Proverbs 11:14, NIV. The emphasis is mine.) At the very least, a husband and wife should be listening to each other with open minds and hearts. There may also be times when it’s good to run our ideas by trusted friends who know us well, or perhaps talk to an objective professional counselor.
As a married couple, our goal should be to make decisions that best meet both of our needs. That usually requires a willingness to compromise. If we’ll seek the Lord together and allow Him time to work in our hearts and circumstances, He will guide us into His perfect plan for us. We may each have to surrender some of our personal desires, but God’s desires are always best for us.
So, when our opinions differ, we should:
- Lovingly and respectfully share our ideas with each other.
- Listen to each other with an open mind and heart.
- Seek the Lord together for solutions.
- Wait until we are truly of one mind and heart. (That means waiting until the Lord can change our desires and replace them with His desires for us, or it may mean waiting on the Lord to change our circumstances.)
We serve a God of unity and harmony. That should be our goal, also.