Both the Bible and life experience teach us that there is blessing in unity. Therefore, my husband Tom and I continue to work on this aspect of our marriage.
We are trying to be more conscientious about discussing things before making decisions or commitments that affect both of us and waiting until we are united in our decisions.
In the past, there were times we wouldn’t consult each other on purpose because we thought we wouldn’t like what our spouse had to say. We learned that it is in those times when we most need to consult each other! The Bible says there is wisdom in a multitude of counselors and our spouse should be the very first person we consult!
At other times, our mistakes have been unintentional, but we’re learning to watch out for those as well. Where I most often slip up is in text messages with our daughters. Where Tom most often slips up is in group settings.
I’ll share two examples of our mistakes:
- One of our daughters sent a text message asking if her family could spend a few nights at our house. I said, “That’s ok with me, but I’ll check with Tom.” (Were both usually fine with having them stay with us.) What I should have said is simply, “I’ll check with Tom and get back to you.
We don’t want to risk making our spouse look like the bad guy if they say no. We want to give a united answer. (Our spouse may have a very good reason for why we need to say no.)
- At a family gathering, a discussion got launched about a possible family outing that would include our daughter’s foster child. Our daughter said that activity wasn’t in their budget so, in spontaneous generosity, Tom offered to pay the foster child’s way. (Even though I had no problem with that, it would have been better if we had discussed it privately first.) As it turned out, our daughter had additional reasons for not participating that she preferred to share with us in private.
Thus, my husband and I have also learned that, when it comes to making plans involving our grandchildren, we need to privately consult their parents first. We’re working on doing that, as well.
Whether a person is married or single, its always good to consult people we trust before making decisions, especially decisions that affect others.