I was cleaning out my book shelf and ran across the book How To Help Your Child Say No To Sexual Pressure by Josh McDowell. I’m not sure if it’s still in print, so I’ll share the notes I had taken.
from pages 128-136: Reasons to Wait (What God wants to protect you from):
I. Physical (1) It can become addicting: you crave it, but the pleasure is short-lived; (2) It can damage your self-image by the anxiety of performance (being compared to someone else & feeling you have to measure up to hold onto the person; wondering if they’re comparing you to past lovers (3) sexually transmitted diseases (4) pregnancy
II. Spiritual (1) Losing respect for yourself & your body by sinning against your own body. 1 CO 6:18: “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” We lose respect for our body & our partner’s body. (2) God’s righteous judgment: He will punish unrepentant sinners eventually (3) Fellowship with God: When we do things we feel guilty about, we don’t want to be close to Him. So, we tend to withdraw from Him. (4) Poor witness to the unsaved world, if we look no different than them. If our lifestyle isn’t different, what will attract the unsaved to Christ? How can they see that God changes lives? The positive benefits of waiting: (1) God blesses the righteous (2) patience is a fruit of the Spirit: waiting develops patience in us (3) it draws us closer to Jesus when we make HIM our #1 relationship: He’s the best one to be intimate with.
III. Emotional (1) Guilt. This makes it difficult to have an emotionally intimate relationship (2) misleading feelings. Sexual involvement causes us to confuse sex & love. Love is unselfish. (3) Premarital sex can create negative feelings about sex (guilt, resentment, fear). When these feelings become associated with sex, it’s difficult to enjoy sex fully, even in marriage. (4) Sex usually does 1 of 2 things to a dating relationship: (a) It ends a good relationship or (b) it keeps a bad one going (they think they know each other better than they do just because they’re “close” sexually). Waiting shows your spouse you cared enough to wait for them.
IV. Relational Reasons (1) Breakdown in communication. Time that should be spent discussing their relationship is spent on sex, instead. Also, uneasy feelings hinder good communication (ie; feeling guilty). (2) It takes time away from them developing a healthy social, intellectual & emotional relationship. (3) Comparisons to other past lovers. (Either in your mind or your spouse’s.)
Pages 137-139 have responses you can give to people who pressure you to give in. (Some are funny.)
I hope this is helpful to those of you who are still raising children.
Other related books, if they’re still in print, are: Dynamic Dating by Barry St. Clair (gives creative dating ideas) & Why Wait? by Josh McDowell.