One day, I asked my husband, Tom, if he still found me attractive. He said yes. Then I asked if he still found me sexually appealing. He said, sometimes. I asked him to explain, and his answer surprised me because it had nothing to do with looks! (That’s actually good news, because the aging process has an affect on my physical appearance that I have limited control over, but with Gods help, I can control my actions.) Anyway, Tom said its a sexual turn-off when I become what he calls hyper. When I’m faced with a problem or a conflict, I tend to shift into problem solving mode. This can be good or bad, depending on how I handle it. Its bad if I’m impatient and want solutions immediately, because then I shift into what Tom calls my CEO mode. Though my intentions are usually good, I come across as controlling and insensitive, rather than submissive and gentle. And sometimes, without meaning to, I can say some insensitive things.
The solution is found in 1 Peter 3:3-6. It says, speaking to wives, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in Gods sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham…You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” (1 Peter 3:3-6, NIV. The emphasis is mine.)
What causes me to become hyper and impatient and want immediate solutions? I believe its caused by fear. I am fearful of the problem not getting solved, and fearful of the consequences of the unresolved problem. Fear, of course, is the opposite of faith.
So, whats the solution? Trust God. Put my hope in Him, believing He has the solutions, and that He will reveal them in His perfect timing. How does that translate into actions?
- Pray (Discuss the situation with the Lord, seeking His guidance).
- Calmly discuss the situation with my husband (perhaps even brainstorming on paper prior to, or during, a discussion)
- Wait patiently & expectantly on the Lord. When I’m resting in the assurance that God will eventually work things out, I will be calm, gentle, and quiet in spirit, creating that softness that is attractive to a man. The more attractive we are to our husbands, the more inclined they may be to demonstrate the affection we desire. But, regardless of how our husbands respond, the wife’s role is to develop a gentle and quiet spirit, which comes by faith in God, trusting God to meet our needs as He sees fit. Then we will have that “…gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in Gods sight.” (1 Peter 3:4, NIV)