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Are You the “Visionary” or the “Brakes”? (Making Decisions Together)


In your marriage, have you ever felt pressured to make a decision you weren’t at peace about? And have you ever felt impatient with your spouse when they weren’t excited about your idea? I have experienced both and I’ve learned that we can avoid a lot of mistakes if we wait until we’re united in our decisions.

Sometimes, God just needs time to reveal our motives to us, or to give us practice in being considerate and patient, but other times God may use one person as the visionary and one as the brakes. I’ve been in both positions. I’ll explain.

God may give one person an idea to get them praying about it. I’ll call that person the “visionary.” When I’m the visionary, I may get so excited about the idea that I want to move forward immediately. In such cases, it’s hard to be patient with my husband when he isn’t at peace about it.

I’ll call the person who’s hesitant the “brakes” person. Their lack of peace about the idea may be God’s way of saying “wait”. When I’m the “brakes” person, I have concerns and I don’t appreciate it when my husband tries to pressure me into something I’m not at peace about.

Once we recognize that God could be working through both the visionary and the brakes person, we’ll be more sensitive to the other person’s position. Then we can work on finding the answer that we’re both at peace about. It has been my experience that the final solution has always been worth the wait!


Questions for meditation and discussion: (1) Have you ever felt pressured to agree with your husband on something you weren’t at peace about? How did you feel? How did you respond? (2) Have you ever felt impatient with your husband when he didn’t agree with your idea? How did you handle it? (3) What do you think of the “visionary” and “brakes” idea? Was that a new idea for you? (4) What things can you think of that the Lord might be doing in the waiting period?

Application homework: The next time you and your husband disagree on a course of action, remind yourself that God might be using both of you, keep calm, listen respectfully, and suggest that you both pray on it for a while and share new thoughts as they come along. If this happens before your next group meeting, share how it went. If it happens later, just record for yourself how God worked it out. What was the final solution?

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